#YesAllWomen

I’ve been reading the tweets all day, and I’m still trying to understand. There seem to be some very genuine and moving tweets about real issues; tweets that highlight the discrimination, misogyny, and everyday issues that women face. And now to get myself into trouble: there seem to be a number of tweets that I just struggle to understand as real ”feminist” issues – not that I don’t see how they can cause offense – but how women should somehow be exempt from offense, when guys aren’t. But that is another post, for now let me highlight what I think is one of the most powerful tweets of the day:

 “Men who decide to respect a woman because they're someone's mom/sister/wife/etc, instead of because she's her own person #YesAllWomen”

The well-meaning saying behind this one is that a men (presumably) must think of a woman they are pursuing as someone else’s relation. This is meant to evoke empathy. What if it were your daughter? Your wife? Etc. Now while I don’t feel there is anything wrong with the saying – we use similar ones when trying to gain sympathy for soldiers (this is someone’s son, daughter, husband, wife, father etc.), it is a great reminder that we need to move to a period where all people are viewed as subjects: their own autonomous beings with intrinsic worth, and not as objects: to be owned. As such, the old saying is meant as a bridge, to help people understand and empathize. The tweet in contrast, is a prophetic reminder that we need to cross that bridge to a place where every person is a person.

Moreover, as I was watching #NotAllMen trend – the expected “devil’s advocate” response to such an emotive topic – I realized that #YesAllWomen has nothing to do with the fact that most men aren’t misogynists, rapers, women-beaters, etc.  It has to do with the fact that these are the experiences of women that should be listened to and acted upon. Moreover, it has to do with the fact that #NotAllMen respect women yet, and #NotAllMen stand up to the few men that don’t. And until #AllMen do stand up to to the extent that the problem disappears, #YesAllWoman will remain a valid #hashtag and more importantly, a necessary movement.

What I miss most...

I have been in the States for almost 6 months now, and there is one thing that I am really missing: friends.

The last few months have been great and there has been an abundance of family - having just got married in January and seeing my family grow at the speed of "I do" has been wonderful - but there is an intimacy in friendship, different entirely from the intimacy of family that I miss. 

I'm not a socialite and as an INTJ on the Myers-Briggs, introversion seems to be my thing, but making friends hasn't ever been too difficult for me, given enough time. I don't think it's something special I do, I've just been very lucky. Mostly through circumstance, I've been forced to be in the presence of people, and when I'm in their presence long enough, I grow on them.

Which is why the last few months have been so difficult. Spending so much time living in two houses 130km apart, and going to two different churches (seldom to the same one three weeks in a row) and not having a job where I can meet new people has meant that I haven't been able to make new friends. Added to this, I'm not sure how long we'll be in Imperial Beach, so there is a certain feeling of futility in trying to make friends.

I miss having someone's house I can just pop around to; a group that just gets together on the weekend - not every weekend, but enough to make it count; being able to invite someone over for drinks; someone with whom to discuss politics; etc.

So in short, just to say. I miss you all. And appreciate friends past all the more.